skatey_blades's Xanga

Monday, December 22, 2008

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 22:10:08 GMT

I GOT FEATURED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

granted, it's under datingish, but dammit, i wrote it! omg, i'm soooo excited.

and a subtle reminder, GO check out hopeful_mrs_lysacek, kay? kay!

AHHHH, SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dressing to Impress: Superficial?

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:17:01 GMT

You know what irks me rather a lot? When seemingly plain people complain about other people (specifically other women) dressing up. I just read a post on datingish describing a night when this girl was out with her boyfriend and saw another couple come into their restaurant, the girl ridiculously overdressed. After the story, the writer goes on to describe why she thought the girl's outfit was ridiculous and how she doesn't support "dressing to impress".

Well, I'm here to tell you otherwise.

Based on the situation she described, in this case i agree with the author that the girl was clearly overdressed for the particular restaurant at which they were. However, I'd like to make my case about dressing to impress.

My mother is Russian, and she always, always looks put together, if not downright dressed up. I must admit, at times I think she overdoes it, but most of the time she gets compliments or envious looks. She taught me that it comes from self-respect, always trying to look your best and letting people see you at your best. Catching peoples' eyes, making them look at you, daring them to look away. She was a ballet dancer, so I think part of this philosophy carried over from good presentation on the stage. But as she says, she was brought up that way as well. Anyway, from a young age, she taught me that you need to try and look your best when you're out and about. Well, sometimes I listened, sometimes I didn't. I especially hit a patch a couple years ago that lasted until I moved to Europe, about 6 months ago. I started thinking all rebelliously, and said "I'm gonna wear what I want and don't care what anybody thinks!" Well, that just didn't work. I have a basic flaw in my nature that dictates that in fact I do care about what other people think. In fact, I care a lot. So when I wore what I wanted and got strange looks... well, it kinda hurt.

Anyway, this stage lasted until the middle of the summer. I had already moved to France and was still sticking to the whole "wear what I want and ain't nobody gonna stop me!" thing when I realized, wait... I never get checked out anymore... my self-esteem is dropping... I don't think I like this. The entire lifestyle there is different... people aren't chained to their cars, they go out and walk around in the city and take public transportation and are constantly seeing each other. So, instead of being seen by kids in school that already knew me, or my friends that already knew me., or my family that already knew me, or people in the mall that I could care less about anyway...I was being seen by...the French. And for those of you that have never been there... everything you've heard about the highly attractive male population is true. Male population that well... I wanted to get acquainted with.

So what's a girl to do?

Exactly. Change her wardrobe! Ditch the grungy "who cares?" look and pick out the "just try not to look at me" look.

To me, dressing to impress isn't all about impressing others. It's about impressing yourself, raising your own confidence. When you think you look good... you feel good. And then you exude confidence and look even better. Besides, clothes aren't everything. They're simply wrapping paper. With the holiday season coming up, think about it... which present are you more likely to open? The one wrapped in exquisite tissue with a ribbon on the top? Or the plain, brown cardboard box? Think about it.

Granted, what's in the boxes could be very very different. For all you know, the beautiful box could be filled with dog shit and the cardboard box with a million dollars. But how will you know if you don't open them? And which one are you more likely to open?

I'm not advocating the dog shit interior... not in the slightest. By setting myself up as the model of the nicely-wrapped box, I wouldn't do that. The best you can do is to match the interior and exterior, making them each beautiful and worthy of attention.

What do you think?

peace on earth, good will towards men

Tue, 09 Dec 2008 07:21:34 GMT

i was thinking about going to school this morning but im wayyyy too lazy.. i'll end up going this afternoon. sidenote: quit school.. going to pick up books and say goodbye.

this morning sucked.

im really depressed and still have an assload of things to do.

i think my eye is better?

leaving thursday.

hubba hubba hubba hubba.

Sunday, December 07, 2008

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 09:11:26 GMT

oh my gosh, i just feel like crying all the time. im so miserable. this is so ridiculous and unfair!!!!!

i wanna skate with clément soooo bad. i love skating with him. i honestly think we have a future together. but with the way things are now... i don't even know. theres so much to take into consideration, the two most important being

1) since they more or less kicked (or are kicking, rather) me out, i need to find somewhere to live. which is kinda a really big problem. its too expensive to live on my own, and my parents don't want that anyway. and with someone else...? mmph.

2) my education. i'm obviously getting no education whatsoever here. i had the idea this morning that i could just not go to regular school and do correspondence courses. try to catch up on everything i've missed. heck, thats not even merely for the sake of continuing the partnership! i mean, i'm clearly not learning anything here, so i think that would be good in any case. but then maybe we could skate more? doubtful, but hey... who knows. at the very least I could skate more and try to improve myself.

to be honest, I really don't wanna leave france. yesterday my dad was like "you'll be able to get you licence!" and i was like "...........cool." haha. i mean... even then i wouldn't have a car anyway. whatever. omg, i just don't know. i really really don't wanna break up with clément. sure, we have our ups and downs, but just like any partnership! a partnership is like a relationship, you can't expect it to go perfectly all the time, there are gonna be problems. the main thing is just to work through them and keep on trucking. i think we have potential and we shouldn't lose it. i remember our first tryout, when we just clicked immediately. i mean, something like that doesn't happen everyday. but i guess, if i want to skate with him and he doesn't wanna skate with me... i need to have a serious talk with him. lay all my cards on the table and be totally honest. i just don't know how we can work it out... i hope its possible in the end. i don't wanna end this. i mean, i don't only like skating with him (yes, he can be a bossy jerk at times, but i can be whiny bitch too, so i guess it evens out), but he's a good guy too. i think he kinda has a big ego but whatever... hes still really fun to be around and everything. i mean, he makes me laugh fit to split my sides. sighhhhhhh. WHYYYYYYY, why can't we just skate??? im so simple, all i wanna do is skate!!!!! fuck all this drama. the thing i don't understand though, is that a few months ago, i don't remember when, we had a talk... we agreed that no matter what happened between coaches or parents or whoever, we would keep skating together and be loyal to each other. does he not remember? did he change his mind? did his feelings about us change? i wish i knew. we said we'd do everything to keep skating together. well... like i said, we just need to talk... but i dunno when.

i feel like a book is closing. i don't want it to close. i want to keep writing, i want to stay.

oh my gosh. my horoscope continues to confuse and delight me. here's today's:
You'll feel as though you've finally paid your dues, and a door will open onto a new opportunity that proves quite attractive.

yipers.

welp i gotta pee... oh my gosh, i hope everything works out. i want it to work out so bad. i wanna keep skating with him. cross your fingers please and if you're religious, pray for me!

Thursday, December 04, 2008

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 17:49:02 GMT

im really really depressed.

uhhhh.... shit, i have to go eat but i WILL be back later (or tomorrow at the very least) and will update thoroughly. i have something i wanna quote.

the fire in your eyes, i swear it makes me shiver inside

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:33:58 GMT

its been a while since i made a list. so without further ado....

Things to do when back in the states (in no particular order, besides #1):

1. Lose weight. Yes, this is at the top of the list for good reason. It's imfuckingpossible here.

2. Practice my dancing. I feel like I lost it a little bit. Let me explain: ballet=great for skating. so thats at the top of the list, closely followed by all other types. tecktonik is also on the list. this perhaps i can undertake with rachel.

3. Party with Duffy. It's been discussed...it's going down.

4. Try to get back in shape. This goes hand in hand with numbers one and two.

5. Buy a new purse.

that was rather unexciting... sorry.

i need to buy eyeliner but my hip hurts so i dont wanna walk to the mall. fuckkkkkkkk

edit!

talked to parents, M thinks it might be ciatic (spelling?!?!) nerve. great! i feel totally hopeless right now. HOWEVER, on the party front, im not skating friday or saturday and i don't have school friday so ima be talkin to the shepherd and maybe we can work something out. tchoupi is out for the count... she rehurt herself and now... well i dunno when shes gonna skate again.

i do NOT wanna go the competition next week because we just are NOT ready at ALL. its pathetic. we're gonna go there and make fools of ourselves even worse than the masters. what with him being sick, my hip, and us not skating this weekend... geezy pete, i just dont know what's gonna happen.

i wish it was okay for me and the shepherd to be friends. why do they have to take an interest in my personal life? i came here to skate. i didn't ask to live with them. hell, i'm begging my parents to get me a little one roomer so i can live on my own. but no. i make one friend, ONE dammit, and im not even allowed to see him outside the rink. fuck that shit. whatever, i'll do what i want, what they don't know can't hurt me.

i started writing a brief autobiography. i wish i was interested in things other than myself.

i feel like a loser. i don't know what i want to do with my life. i want to do something meaningful. i wanna care for people. i wanna have fun.

It may be years until the day
My dreams will match up with my pay

you said it Feist.

i feel hopeless right now. im sure itll pass but nevertheless...

i just don't know. i don't know anything at all and i don't even have the attention span to sit down and figure it out. someone get me an adderall and a strong drink. tomorrow's gonna be a long day.

i crack concrete falling down for you

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 13:50:36 GMT

huh-bleh. is what i have to say right now... but not for any particular reason.

GOOD GOD IN HEAVEN, so i have a LOT to recount from the recent past. so. i'll just start with last night. last night... was the show. sadly enough my horoscope did NOT manifest itself in the way i was hoping, but whatever. we'll start with a quote, a very good way to start:

"anna, tu peux pas avoir un apparte, tu seras burée tous les temps."

hmmm... pas forcement faux...

anyway. so yesterday: we didn't skate in the morning (booo!) because there was a concert at the rink. i don't know if i mentioned this, but the rink kinda doubles as an arena at times. soooo sometimes we end up getting kicked out, which sucks rather a lot. so uhhhh yeah. im getting serious posting ADD right now, haha. i felt like i actually understood what we were doing in chemistry, which was really nice. however, i know its only superficial understanding.. i always forget everything as soon as i get to a test. or can't figure out how to apply it. anyhooz. i don't feel like finishing now, so i will later. sound good? oh yeah.

editttttt!

so i went out and basically walked around the city. i got a nice ego boost early on... i was just walking down the street and this guy (honestly didn't get a look at him) was like "qu'est-ce qu'elle est belle!" and i was like aww shucks... hehe. i love getting checked out. it's one of those simple pleasures, that always boosts my ego. bahhh, myspace music isn't working and it's pissing me off real bad because i have 'tongue tied' stuck in my head and really want to listen to it!! okay, so on to other, significantly more important things. i believe i left off with chemistry? that i did. so that... then i had french... woohoo! syke. not gonna lie, i LOVE my teacher, and i know i would LOVE to have him as an english lit or philosophy teacher, but since im kinda nulle in french, it doesn't work. i talked to mark a little.. then i went to go back to my seat and he grabbed my leg so i was like hopping on one foot and stuff. my teacher was like "good thing she's athletic or that could've turned out badly!" and everyone was like "yeah... ha..." and then mark was like "monsieur! en plus elle est gavé soupple!" which basically means, "and sir! she's also really flexible!" which i found knee-slappingly hilarious. i guess i was the only one though, because i burst out laughing.... and i was the only one. it was great. right so, moving on... went home for lunch... got all my shit together for the evening and practically ran to school so as not to be late. that was also great. it normally takes me between 15 and 20 minutes to get between home and school... i made it in ten. shit son! anyway, speedwalking aside, math was... math. our teacher might well be starting to hate us less but i'm sure she girds her loins on tuesday afternoons when she has us for two hours. consequentially, i saw her at the mall later that day. that was rather weird. she had have a good weekend and i said you too. cool.

so yeah, i left school, mailed hannah's postcard (FINALLY!) and went to the mall to kill some time before going to elodie's. i got some ideas for presents and then headed over to elodie's (the trams/busses were on strike so i had to walk). so i get there and sarah and nicolas were already there, so i was kinda like wtf? but it was whatever. i knew sarah would be there because we were gonna get ready together, but nico was a surprise. you know what? i dont like using their names. from now on they will be referred to as tchoupi and bijou, alias the shepherd. they were drinking and smoking (not tchoupi, she's straightedge), but not a lot, and watching the cutting edge. so i get there and get settled in, and then elodie (alias girlcrush, thats it) gets a call from simon (alias gothica) saying that clément (alias... uhhh... i need to think of something. beau goss possibly, but i need to reflect. beau goss would be more fitting for jd) hurt himself in gym and couldn't do the show. WHADDAFUCK. i was floored. the shepherd was like shit, i don't want to do the show now... two couples? what are we gonna do? lame! so then i was like, well fuck that! and started drinking.
drank... watched movie... drank...washed and straightened bangs... drank... lay on bed... headed to ice rink. woot.
we get there (i brought my skates) and i was trying to get everyone's opinions on what i should do... in the end it was decided that i should do it solo because it would make for a better number. as florine put it "you're a good skater, you're flexible, you'll be a good addition". so yeah. of course, i hadn't counted on this, so when i got on the ice to warm up i was a little tipsy... not fun! but a new and different experience all the same. of course i left my costume at elodie's (smooth move ex-lax!) and had to literally run there and back to get it. granted, it's not far but it IS uphill one way and i was wearing uggs. bleh. got there, changed, GOT A SPLINTER (beau goss) from running around town hall barefoot, and got goin. so we get out there... and wait. then we got up on the platform... and waited. then we got sick of that and went outside... and waited. meanwhile tchoupi was complaining my ear off the whole time that she was cold and she broke some ribs (??!!!??!!). thanks kid. BUT there was this russian pairs team from holiday on ice there and seeing as i was the only one that spoke russian.. well we got on well. not much else to say there... bijou and i stuck together more or less the whole time, but we really are together most of the time now that i think about it. issss niiiiice! sighhh... i'm in love with a shepherd of sorts
right. sooooo.... we waited around and finally did the thing. bof. it was... interesting. i fucked up some stuff, but partially thanks to tchoupi. she started doing the wrong stuff at the wrong time and i was like WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!?? and had to play along. pissed me off. and then i fucked up the last spin because the ice sucked, but its okay. i didnt fall and thats really the most important. anyway, so to cut to the chase, bijou and i went to girl crush's apartment again and tchoupi dropped by to pick up her shiznit. bijou was going to a party later and i had to be home at NINE. for real, you ask? yeah. NINE. 21h00. blech. AND there were no trams, so i had to WALK. and then... hahahaha, before i left, bijou was like "its cold outside... it would be good to drink something... just kidding". he had been discouraging me from drinking the past couple days (he didn't want to get in trouble) but i just gave him this look and went and got the wine out of the fridge. and pretty much chugged some.

i was sweating by the time i got home.

and you might get another update later, if you're lucky.

your skin is something that i stir into my tea

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 11:58:22 GMT

Jan 20 - Feb 18

This is a good day to indulge in a fantasy or two -- with a special friend, if possible. You may find that a dream can come true.

this should be a good evening :]

expect big update tomorrow!

this evening

Thu, 27 Nov 2008 20:22:20 GMT

you wouldn't walk me home
tu me fait chier
but you made it okay in the end
avant que je suis partie
quand on a fait les bisous
(pour le deuxième fois)
you put your hand on my waist
so gently
and it meant the world
je t'aime je t'aime je t'aime
mais qu'est-ce que je suis bête...

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 13:00:29 GMT

Overseas, yeah, we try to stop terrorism
But we still got terrorists here livin'
In the USA, the big CIA
The Bloods and The Crips and the KKK
But if you only have love for your own race
Then you only leave space to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And when you hate then you're bound to get irate, yeah
Badness is what you demonstrate
And that's exactly how a n**** works and operates
N**, you gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love, y'all, y'all

People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek

Father, Father, Father help us
Send us some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)

It just ain't the same, always unchanged
New days are strange, is the world insane?
If love and peace is so strong
Why are there pieces of love that don't belong
Nations droppin' bombs
Chemical gasses fillin' lungs of little ones
With the ongoin' sufferin' as the youth die young
So ask yourself is the lovin' really gone
So I could ask myself really what is goin' wrong
In this world that we livin' in people keep on givin'
in
Makin' wrong decisions, only visions of them dividends
Not respectin' each other, deny thy brother
A war is goin' on but the reason's undercover
The truth is kept secret, it's swept under the rug
If you never know truth then you never know love